by quinn.anya
Question by Texas Joe:
Guessing Game! Which 1 of these 3 South Carolina Republican sex scandals is bogus, and which 2 are genuine?
First that doofus governor of theirs Mark Sanford starts thinkin with his lil brain and spends a whole bunch of taxpayer money on booty-boondoggles down to Taco Town to get busy with his sweet, smokin Senorita. When folks noticed he was gone he told them he was explorin the Appalachian Trail. Oh so that's what they call it up there in South Carolina. Anyway when his wife learned about this outrage she moved her kids out of the governor's mansion and prayed to Jesus that her husband would get butt cancer.
Then the chairman of the Muckawucka County State Republican Party, Jubilation L. Watersby, is discovered at the state boy scout jamboree doin a ten-way with Pack 232 of the First Columbia Baptist Church. When pulled out of the tent still connected to two or three of the younger wolf scouts, Watersby explained that one too many some-mores, aided and abetted by a few cans of amyl nitrate, had gotten him "all wee-weed up." When officers of the South Carolina State Troopers attempted to inform Watersby's wife of this outrage, they discovered her semi-mummified body seated in an old pine rocking chair looking out the window of his dilapidated motel.
Then in the worst scandal of all, some ex-state representative current assistant DA dweeb named Roland Corning gets caught in flagrante delicto up to no good with a 18 year old "exotic dancer" from the Platinum Plus Gentlemen's Club. The two of them was makin the beast with two backs in a secluded part of the Elmwood Cemetery -- a cemetery, daggum it !!! -- when a cop chased them down after they tried to escape. When he searched the ol boy's car he found some "sex medicine" and a whole butt-load of sex toys, which ol Roland explained he always kept in the car "just in case." Well at least he had the good taste to go with them Platinum Plus floozies instead of the usual Dew Dropp Inn skanks. His wife found out about this gambit believe it or not when the cop called her to identify her husband, since the two of them worked together (or more accurately used to work together) in the DA's office.
Yes, I know all three of these stories seem too weird to be real but daggum it I swear to Jesus only one of them is fake. Ten points to the one of yall who can tell me in the most eloquent and humorous manner which of these tales is the tall one.
In any event I reckon that "just in case" is going to become the new "wide stance".
Ohhh, sorry, Jemma. Last time I looked, Edwards was from North Carolina, and he was a Dem. Why don't you start your own question about North Carolina Dems acting badly? But thank you for sharing.
Ohhh, poor Sussie. I had no idea you were from South Carolina, or that you worked for the Platinum Plus Gentlemen's Club.
Ralph B, Sarah Palin Silly Ninny -- I do NOT have High Mountain Tracker and his various pseudonyms locked up in the out house. I put them out with the hogs but the daggum hogs abandoned the sty.
Best answer:
Answer by Orly Taitz, Certified Nut Job
I know! I know! The second one was fake. Pony up those ten points, Hoss!
Add your own answer in the comments!
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